Summer Love

Described by many to be a “dope ass piece,” this picture was drawn for me and given to me by a dear friend who’s an artist in Clearwater, FL.  Please get in touch with me if you’re interested in his work!

  

These are two of my favorite pictures of Saint Augustine (though I cheated because they were taken right before Summer began). I surely do miss this place and can’t wait to return to my life there.

My beloved grandfather. He’s still with us at the time of the post, but Parkinsons is managing to slowly take him from us. He’ll forever be a model for every member of my family, and many people who are not related at all.

The freshly cleaned Lude. This is the vehicle responsible for getting me from point A to point B….and C, and absolutely D.

I went to stay at the beautiful Flagler Beach with my buddy, Wes.

I had the distinct privilege of assuming the center referee position in a match between the Brazilian U-17 national team and the Jacksonville United NPSL team down in Monteverde, FL.

I really got into these stadium panorama pictures this summer. I can’t wait to get the next two in Tuscaloosa and Tallahassee this Fall.

My last date night of the summer with Hannah

 

Lakeshore Produce Market: this is the third summer I have spent working at Lakeshore. Note the shelled peas in the first picture — that’s what I spend the vast majority of my time doing at work! Johnny (the 40 year owner) wakes up early every morning to get to the Farmers’ Market in an effort to provide the best, freshest produce in town. And let me tell you, he does a damn fine job. The man won’t take a day off to save his life, all to ensure that your tomatoes are the reddest, juiciest, tastiest in town.

 

I had the chance to spend a lot of time at the WFCF Flagler College Radio studio this summer with my boy, DJ WEEZY

Media is Plural, Idiot

I’ve happened upon a realization as my twenty years of life have flown by that would have, at one time, rather upset me: things change.  More specifically than things, people change. As I have changed, so too has my group of friends. We would all like to take a step back, admire our lives, and count our friends as a collection from birth to present. We can’t do that, however. Your friends are only the people you consider friends right now. They are not your middle school baseball team from the other side of the country, they are not the collection of heartbroken ex-girlfriends that you may have had, and they are not, under any circumstance, the people you once considered to be brothers, but have merely turned their backs on you at the whims of their nagging infatuations.

All this is to preface the explanation of something I have recently done, and why I did it. Ladies and gentlemen, let the drums roll. Cover the eyes of anyone from my generation, for I am about to profess an act of pure blasphemy; I have committed treason against the worldwide culture that perpetuates shallowness in our young people and encourages the disembodiment of personal relationships in today’s society. Indeed, my readers, your guess was right, or it was wrong: I have, so to speak, “gone off the grid.”

Well, sort of.

I have reduced my use of various social media to this blog and the totally-hipster-dude app, Instagram. There are some great uses for most forms of social media that I can think of, however, very few people that I know utilize these services in ways that I, or even they, would consider wholly productive, or at the very least, beneficial to their lives. Let’s get down to it: why do you need facebook?  You need it because you want it, and you want it because you think you need it (yes, you think you need it). Now you’re likely reading this and correcting me. You’re probably claiming, “I don’t think I need it, I just want it because it passes the time, and it’s fun to see what my friends are up to.” Oh yeah? I know it’s hard to believe, and we have to reach into the depths of our memories, but there actually was a time when people had friends that knew what was going on in the lives of the people they considered to be their friends without using a single social medium. This time existed before Facebook, Twitter, even cell phones and SMS messaging. This time even existed, dare I say it, before computers, email, and the internet (thank you, Al Gore).

I don’t want to holistically speak out against social media. Social media are wonderful tools in a specific context, whether it be business, a specific hobby, whatever. I think social media become dangerous when the use is flagrant and uninhibited by any element of intentionality by their users (this is what I was talking about in second sentence of the previous paragraph) — this is most social medium users in a nutshell. When considering this type of use, which in my opinion is the VAST majority of users my age, I see not very much more than a whole shit load of things I don’t want to surround myself with.  I used to get entirely frustrated with the things I would see people say on Twitter and Facebook (and frustrated with many of the things I said at one time or another on these sites) that I would, every time, find myself asking, “why on earth do I subject myself to this torture, and furthermore, why do I stoop to this level by remaining in this environment?”

The answer is a little scary at first, but the right course of action came out of a daunting reality. I remained in that uncomfortable environment because I was honestly terrified of the notion of being disconnected. I was scared to go from thousands of people having access to the things I was putting on my timelines to zero. I was scared that if I could not publish funny Tweets, no one would even think I existed, much less think I was comical. Then I made the utter connection from this fear to my dissatisfaction with social media. I was scared that removing myself from the spectrum of social interaction on the internet would reduce my social standing or ability to interact with people I consider to be my friends (and yes, I really mean friends, get out of here with your 1,978 “friends”).  It’s a lie, people. Like I mentioned earlier, you can interact with people, keep in touch with people, even share important life updates with people without telling every other middle school troll that you forgot to delete a while back. The only thing that this interaction requires is actual interaction. Yep, you’re going to have to sacrifice your 6 million followers, 9.5k tweets, and 87 photo albums in order to build friendships.  Do you even know what the word ‘friendship’ means, or has it been too squandered by the sub-par social standards of online, impersonal social- “interaction?”  I encourage you to test the people you consider to be your friends by seeing if you two actually have a friendship. Delete your social media. I dare you to take the risk of not letting your 2,000 “friends” see your latest lunch update with dear Aunt Liza. I dare you to keep your jokes off of Twitter and share them with your close friends who’ll actually appreciate the depth of humor they possess. I dare you to be different not by posting a #nofilter, but by not posting at all. I dare you to build friendships not behind a lit up LCD, but standing in front of a stranger.  I dare you to tell people that you can’t accept their friend request, but you can be their friend. I dare you to not post an album, but meet your friends at Starbucks and show it to them in person. I dare you to take a step out into the real world by turning off the digital one.

Abandon it, people. Abandon the lie that you’ll be forgotten, even reduced to something less by the deletion of your social media. Keep the ones you need; keep the ones that feed a specific hobby (WordPress and my Instagram for me – writing and photography). I truly believe, at the center of it all, that social media have done almost irreparable damage to an incredible element of humanity, perhaps the greatest element – personal interaction. Nothing on social media is personal: not your messages, not your likes, not your comments. You may disagree, but I am claiming it to be impersonal because my standard for personal interaction is actual personal interaction. You can can call me naive, you can call me cliché, but I don’t know who else has the credibility to make such claims as someone who was just as trapped as you are.

While you’re at it, go ahead and share this post.  Share it by showing your computer to someone else, or giving them the link. Do as you please, but you must admit, sharing it on Facebook would be entirely ironic.

Edit, Revise, and Take Control

As my second year of college approaches its bittersweet farewell, I have been reflecting on the many experiences I have gleaned throughout the extent of this year.  A year ago today I would have foreseen almost none of the things that have gone on in my life — even the very most important aspects.  This year has been a journey that I do not want to end.  While it has had its fair share of shitty things happen, nothing has been too bad.  No bad experiences outweigh the good that I’ve gone through in the past year.

While I am somewhat hesitant to let go of this year and get ready for another, I am ready to continue along the unforeseeable path that has brought me to this point in my life.  Not to be cliche, but life actually is riddled with surprises.  These surprises are often the direct results of the decisions we make, so it is exceedingly crucial to strive to make the right ones.  As I continue to age, I have begun to discover that the surprises I am met with in my life are becoming more of a result of what I am doing, and less of a result of what my parents are doing.

The direction of our paths and the surprises they bring are dictated directly by the things we do.  Some people call this Karma, the idea that energies displaced are equally returned to you.  Others call it God, the idea that there is a specific higher power dictating the experiences we face.  I call the direction a result; the experiences we face, the direction of our paths, the people we interact with, and the places we go are all a direct result of the circumstances that came before.  If you can learn to control your circumstances, you can control your life.

Rant: That’s a lot of Parentheses

I woke up early to do school work, completed it in half of the time I allotted for myself, and now I’m sitting here thinking.  Many of you know me, and can probably attest to the fact that I am very much the type of person that gets AMPED for plans.  I mean, if something cool is going to happen it’s all I can focus on sometimes.  Essentially, when a knock-my-socks-off kind of thing is coming up, I get this divergent-natured form of ADD (meaning I get the opposite of ADD for you older, slower folk) and I can hardly function for even a few monotonous minutes as my mind becomes fully involved with the notion of the next big thing.

I’m guessing if you’re reading this then you probably have some element of desire to know what it is that I’m so very anticipatory for (great word, second time I’ve used it on A Look Inside).  Well, as many of you probably are completely unaware of, Spring Break is approaching rapidly.  When I say rapidly, I mean that I have three days and five classes until I am home free (for a brief five days and then it’s back to the grind – you can punch me in person for saying that).  It’s not Spring Break that I’m excited for, per se.  In fact I am rather lackluster in care for Spring Break as a time to be celebrated, only because I get so into the fun that it’s heart-breaking to so swiftly return to the clutches of education.  What I am genuinely excited for, however, is the expansive amount of visitors I (and my gracious roommates) will be hosting over the next couple weeks, because everyone who is coming is pretty OK.

Going from your parents house to having your own place in a matter of a few months is a wild transition.  All of a sudden it’s not mom and dad’s house; it’s not their rules anymore (I love you mom and dad, and I respect my upbringing, don’t get the wrong idea from this!).  I can do things like run in the house, not make my bed, and I don’t even have to separate my laundry when I don’t want to.

Even though I find myself doing certain things my own way, and even though my parents are a little bit crazy (they know it), I still find that I am, undeniably so, my parents’ child.  Though I will ultimately do what I want at this stage of life, I will do what I want in my father’s style and in my mother’s style.  I’m pretty thankful for having some cool dudes as parents, but I must admit, I’m not sure if I could ever fill such big shoes.

So Won’t You Kill Me, So I Die Happy

I have found in the recent months that other peoples’ emotions really seem to grasp me.  I am simply, at my core, a very empathetic and extroverted person.  Without choice I find myself feeling almost a responsibility to understand what people are going through.  I don’t know what drives these feelings, but there is something about sharing experiences with someone that brings you closer.  The possibility of the continuity of relationship that can spur from one element of commonplace between two people is an incredible chance, and one that should never be overlooked.

I continuously find myself growing close to people who I feel honestly depict their emotions; people who don’t feel the need to hide what they’re feeling in order to function.  I try to act in ways that are appropriate for the situation I find myself in, but regardless of setting I also try to be someone who expresses myself in a way that brings people to me; the way I’ve seen myself attracted to others.

When it comes to social interaction, there are many things that can be said about two strangers making out.  That being said, please enjoy this short film by aspiring filmmaker Tatia Pllieva.  In the just over three minutes I spent watching this video I experienced several feelings which I believe were spurred by what the people I was watching were feeling.  I hope you guys enjoy this video, and let it serve as a reminder and depiction of some of the emotions we may forget to let ourselves express. 

Such a Paradox, isn’t it, isn’t it?

You know, it is pretty interesting the ways things work out.  That comment is a seemingly generic one, but it’s meant with an immense amount of seriousness.  Nothing about this world we live in leaves me asking more questions than the reality of chance.  Though everything that happens is a “chance” opportunity, it’s important to note the fact that things happen as a result of things that came or happened before them.  The past, in a way, is a driving higher power.  In retrospect, the past cannot be controlled, it cannot be politicked, it cannot be changed.  It simply, without mercy or regard to time, trudges on in its ever-present battle with its alter-ego: the future.

The future, in a manner of speaking, is the balance to the past.  We try to manipulate what is currently our future in a way that will make the past pleasing; we try to make right our wrongs, we try to plan ahead, we try to create good memories.

Though we cannot change that which has already come about, we can, in many ways, and to certain extents, control that which is not yet the past.  That is the motivation we have to do good, to succeed, and to love; it is merely the control that the past has on that which is always constant, and paradoxically always fleeting: the present.

Empty Chairs at Empty Tables

Being home for Christmas is a bittersweet reality.  Despite the discomfort of not having my friends from Saint Augustine around, I am very happy to be home with my friends and family from Jacksonville.  I don’t know exactly what it is about Saint Augustine, perhaps it’s the first time I’ve really left my own home (as opposed to my family’s), but it was hard to part from the place I’ve considered home for quite some time now.  Living in and leaving the dorms last year at Flagler College was somewhat of a normal and expected happening.  Leaving my condo for Christmas, however, was not so easily undertaken.

As I stayed behind my friends and roommates to do a few little housekeeping things (literally), I began to think back on the abundant memories I’ve made during the short four months of my residency at what we call “The Cove.”  There has been an endless amount of experiences: stressful and carefree, challenging and uninhibited, trying and rewarding.  Whilst traversing the depths of our three bedroom condo, I thought, “what do we have to show for all of it?  What do we have to show for the triumphs and failures that make our lives what they are?”

As I sauntered around the condo pondering this question and scrubbing showers, I came upon the answer to my inquiry.  What we have to show for all of it are the relationships that have been made, and those that have been strengthened.  The Cove is simply a venue for the greatest aspect of life: community — a collection of some of the most precious friendships that I have witnessed; friendships that carry great significance and have worked in a way to define my life unique to the experiences of anyone else.  I appreciate every single person who has integrated themselves into this community, which is exceedingly special to all who contribute to its existence.  This has been one of the most challenging semesters of my life, but I have tried to cherish every moment.  I have experienced conflicts that I never foresaw, and I’ve become different because of them.  Hopefully the manners in which I’ve changed are positive and constructive, but only those around me can be the judges of that.  I wish everyone a very merry Christmas.  Enjoy the time at home with your friends and families.

Since I Love People…

Ok, guys, I need some help interpreting this picture.  I saw it on Twitter and thought it was pretty hilarious, however I have no idea what it means.  I have my thoughts, but I’d like to get some feedback from other people.  

Hopefully my faithful followers will chime in on this.  I’d love  if it weren’t all for not.  Come on, people.  This is serious.  I need it…for me; this is my early birthday post.  Your feedback shall be your gift to me.

But Momma Said So!

My momma always told me that I was good with my money; so I grew up thinking that meant as long as I kept a job and budget, I’d have money.  An important lesson that I have begun to learn over the course of the last several years is that life simply cannot be compartmentalized.  No matter how organized or preemptive we are, there are situations that sometimes demand resources we don’t have or time we can’t give up.  Last summer I totaled my car, which is a vast necessity for me.  I then had to dip into almost my entire savings to purchase a new vehicle.  Though I love my new car, and wouldn’t change the past, it forced me to learn a hard lesson: it doesn’t matter how smart you are in one area of life if you’re stupid in another.

I could have made faster decisions to move a little slower, but ultimately my lesson was learned at a speed of about 30-0.  It has taken me months to begin to financially recover from my wreck.  Without this experience, however, I would have kept on believing the false inferences I’d made about money.

I think I am learning a lot about self-control at this stage in life; not just with money, but with my actions around other people, school-work, and jobs as well.  As my readers probably know, I place an extremely high value on past experiences and events — we are where we are because of where we’ve been.  Because I think this way, I am trying to find the lesson in this situation rather than see the hindering effects.  With all optimism aside, I am making something positive out of something that seemed to be immensely negative.  I am slowly learning that connection plays a vital role in the lives we live.  Connection is prevalent in our social lives and within the events that take place in our lives; through location, common practice and dependence.  All the events we experience and the people we meet are connected through networks of various and vast similarities; that, my friends, is a lesson to be learned.

*Bunny-trail complete*

It’s All About the Chase

Hello all,

Please forgive my abrupt sabbatical from the blog.  I have missed posting my thoughts, and, more importantly, receiving your feedback as faithful readers.  There are a few reasons as to why I have not posted lately:

1) I have been extremely busy with college; both large assignments and the little pestering ones which seem to amble their way into inconvenient times.
2) I began the following post several weeks ago on a piece of loose-leaf paper.  That paper was very quickly lost within the depths of my work space.  Shortly after accepting the loss, I made a subtle and under-the-breath promise to myself that that piece of paper possessed my next blog post; no exceptions.  Thus, today, as I was cleaning my room, what else do I find than “It’s All About the Chase?”

Anyway, I hope y’all enjoy my disgruntled complaint toward a majorly important aspect of today’s (though not limited to modern times) education and functioning societies in the 21st century.

I do in fact have an incredible appreciation for those who seek to understand our world in a mathematical way.  I would rather spend my time and energy in pursuit of understanding the aspects of our world that cannot be so finitely described.  Interaction, relationship, impulse, desire and motivation — one cannot plug these complex components of life into a formula and arrive at a grounded conclusion.  I believe the desire to try to acquire knowledge as it pertains to said components drive me to love psychology and philosophy and, unfortunately, despise classroom math.

Now don’t get me wrong — math is important — more so than I care to explain.  But I’m not seeking to elaborate on the essence of arithmetic, nor am I running away from poor math skill — it’s always been a strong subject for me (with the exclusion of statistics, of course).  However, the niches of education that I really care for, the ones which I feel I could pursue forever, are those that seek to answer questions that cannot be answered; questions that when asked, simply breed more questions.

I am profoundly interested in that which I cannot have.  Why can’t I have it? Can I at least understand it?  Do I even know what it is?  I believe the intrigue is embedded in the unknown.  Math is being taught to me — taking things I already know and showing me different and seemingly unnecessarily complicated ways to do or say something.